Aboot!

Women swoon to my god-like fork playing.

I am the other white meat.

I am the inspiration for blue.

I can part hair with a look.

I make minute rice in 39 seconds.

My greatness is only surpassed by that of Bobby Darin’s.

I am a grower not a shower, but don’t grow enough.

I am smarter than the average gerbil, but not smarter.

Barry Mantilow was singing about me.

I am related to Traveling Matt of Fraggle fame, but not by blood.

I am learning to master the ultimate weapon, the Care Bear Stare!