Zay’z – [ Den 'O' Slack ]

Jimbo: Wow, those are great…Ned, are you jackin’ it?!
Ned: Kinda.
(Mr. Tenorman comes outside)
Mr. Tenorman: Who’s out there?
Jimbo: (whispering) Dammit Ned, stop jackin’ it.
Ned: I can’t.

Ever heard of the Fleshlight? Sounds like a bad Jenna Jameson porn I know… but apparently it’s a “male sex toy” which comes the closest to “actual sex”.

More from the Fleshlight “Buyers Guide“:

Which insert is right for me?
This is, without a doubt, the most frequenly asked question. Unfortunately there is no easy answer. Please consider several important factors:

Penis length/girth:
When choosing your perfect Fleshlight, consider your girth as equally important to length. When erect, the average penis length is approximately 5-6 inches with an average girth (circumference) of approximately 4-5 inches. Refer to the illustration on the left for an explanation of measuring length and girth. Use of a measuring tape is suggested for taking measurements. The correct measurement can make the difference between an enjoyable and non-enjoyable Fleshlight experience. Choosing too small of an insert diameter will result in discomfort during use, while too large of an insert diameter will be a less sensational experience.

Ranked from most tight to least tight: Ultra Tight, Super Tight, SIAC, Wonder Wave/Speed Bump/Super Ribbed, STU, Original.

Larger than average men often choose: Original Pink Lady or Speed Bump
Smaller than average men often choose: Super Tight or Sex In A Can

Your options:

The first thing to consider is the Fleshlight insert color. This is an easy decision, just choose whatever color suits you best. When you choose the ice color, you are really selecting ‘no color’. The lack of pigment leaves the ice inserts slightly stickier than the rest. Make sure to choose an ice case, if you decide on an ice insert. Pink is by far our best selling color, but the mocha is growing in popularity.

Next, you will need to decide on the orifice, which is the external appearance of the Fleshlight insert. Choose the orifice that is the most visually appealing to you. The lady (vagina) is the most popular choice, followed by the butt. The non-descript is ideal for users that travel with their Fleshlight or someone who is concerned about family members/roomates discovering their sex toy. The mouth is choosen by men who prefer the experience of a blowjob over the rest. However, there are a few minor differences to point out. The butt orifice is the thinnest of the three, letting you get to the texture sooner, and the lady has the largest opening allowing for easier access.

The final and most important step is to choose the correct sensation. Do prefer a textured or smooth insert? How tight do you like it? Refer to the size chart above and descriptions below to help you to decide.

Remember that these are only suggestions that were developed based on sales records and customer testimonials. Explore our entire product line and post your testimonials on the Discussion Board along the way!

There’s also various sections on their website to browse through, one of which is entitled the “male g-spot” that has some videos.

There’s also the Fleshjack which is designed for those of the homosexual persuasion. They also sell all sorts of other “toys” even of the novelty variety, one of which is called Mr. Limpy. Yeah it’s exactly what you’re thinking.

It makes you wonder a bit though… does this sort of toy fall into the “Plastic Ass” category? :rofl:

COO BBQ Pineapple

A friend of mine stopped by on a Saturday to work on some music… we were surprisingly productive and eventually inebriated all at the same time.

During that day we managed to cook (and eat of course) breakfast as well as dinner. The dinner was ten types of awesome. We had tostadas with bbq chicken and steak and all sorts of green leafy goodness to go along.

The instrumental track we began work on that week is still yet to be completed, with lots of obstacles to it’s completion in sight. Sadly.

This has to be one of the coolest “wastes” of time ever, ever.

Do you think he uses a stylus?

Going On
I’ve seen it with my own eyes
How we’re gettin’ otherwise
Without the luxury of leavin’
The touch and feeling of free is
Untangible technically
Something you’ve got to believe in
Connect the cause and effect
One foot in front of the next
This is the start of a journey.
And my mind is already gone
And though there are other unknowns
Somehow this doesn’t concern me.

And you can stand right there if you want
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
To a place in the sun that’s nice and warm
I’m going on
And I’m sure they’ll have a place for you too oohoohoo

Anyone that needs what they want, and doesn’t want what they need
I want nothing to do with
And to do what I want
And to do what I please
Is first of my to-do list
But every once in a while I think about her smile
One of the few things I do miss
But baby I‘ve to go
Baby I’ve got to know
Baby I’ve got to prove it

And I’ll see you when you get there
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
May my love lift you up to the place you belong
I’m going on
And I promise I’ll be waiting for you oohoohoo